AS group holiday party yesterday
December 3rd 2006 22:30
Well, I spent the day yesterday with Stuart and Heidi and the rest of the AS crew. It was a very good day for the most part, I must admit. It was at Bette's.... first we did some kind of holiday game where you have mixed up holiday song titles and have to guess what they are, which was kind of fun and I did some Hanukkah ones as well, then we talked about how we'd been... Tonya was there she isnt usually which was good.... her mom too. Then we did the Yankee Swap..I though John P would come but he didn't , unfortunately. I got some chocolates in the yankee swap! And ate some more food after that. It was good. Stuart taste tested my chocolates for me lol. We made a small gingerbread house. Wayne and I told a joke together, the Chestnuts roasting in an open fire one - he had the punch line and not the set-up so I did the setup and let him have the punch line.
We left about 7 and tried to decide what to do, ended up going near the mall and to this i-party store. I was amazed by this store. It was huge, bright, colorful, had a whole row of Hanukkah things!, and mostly, had every little kind of knick knack, toy, candy, small party favor type thing - I love those things, I've always loved those things. Most between 50 cents and three dollars a piece - cheap fun junk as I call it lol. I was in awe looking at this stuff, all these little toys I hadnt played with since I was a kid
and got a bunch of stuff intending that S and H and I play with it later. Then S and H who had gone to the pet store heard about it and wanted to go in and they spent even longer in there than I did, and I was TIRED by that point. I had almost reached my breaking point by that time and in the car I couldnt stand the sound of their voices thats how stressed out i was - and hungry - but luckily we went to one of my favorite resteraunts, panera bread in SP, and they decided to stay in the car and rest so i could go in by myself , relax, recharge, eat etc, which was good. (they'd already eaten) I got a fuji apple salad, Ohhh I love that thing so much, and some chai, it was the chai that really relaxed me, they make good chai, so I felt much better and almost back to normal when I came out half an hour later.
I got a Bah Humbug! santa style hat, dreidels, light sticks, some clay, marbles, all kinds of cool things there lol at the store.
We went home and H and S were really tired but consented to staying and hanging out for a little. We played dreidel - which is just not nearly as fun as I remember it from my childhood - and then made chocolate covered strawberries - melting that chocolate was FUN hehe I just loved watching it move smelling at it looking at it - and then went to bed about 1:30.
So a pretty good day. Sometimes I worry that the only point of my life anymore is to try to get highs like that , and because they are so temporary transitory it is a problem i need a bigger meaning in my life than this ..... otherwise it's gonna all start to feel fake... i know i need to move out and start a life, a real life with a real routine and some kind of meaningful work.....in the meantime i dont think theres wrong with trying to get highs to keep you going....obviously im not talking about the drug kind...and i guess theres nothign wrong with having a good time with friends....but sometimes it feels like i put as much effort as i possibly can into enjoying an opportunity like that when i have it, as much enthusiasm block other thoughts etc, and am exhausted after, but it feels like well it feels like i dont know it feels too transitory because there is this feeling of worry and dread about the rest of my life there all the time and its nice to have fun times but then when they end i guess i feel much worse and its anticlimatical and I cant live my life just looking for times like these I need something meatier something to give my life more substance something to give it meaning, you know?
These fun times, i say to myself, are what makes life worth living now, and therefore they are very necessary. it's just, i need to find something else. but until then i need not disparage the happiness however fleeting that can come from these times because i need it to get me thru.
Tuesday AANE meeting at library that I am looking forward to. Look at more rooms i think. etc.
Kate
We left about 7 and tried to decide what to do, ended up going near the mall and to this i-party store. I was amazed by this store. It was huge, bright, colorful, had a whole row of Hanukkah things!, and mostly, had every little kind of knick knack, toy, candy, small party favor type thing - I love those things, I've always loved those things. Most between 50 cents and three dollars a piece - cheap fun junk as I call it lol. I was in awe looking at this stuff, all these little toys I hadnt played with since I was a kid
and got a bunch of stuff intending that S and H and I play with it later. Then S and H who had gone to the pet store heard about it and wanted to go in and they spent even longer in there than I did, and I was TIRED by that point. I had almost reached my breaking point by that time and in the car I couldnt stand the sound of their voices thats how stressed out i was - and hungry - but luckily we went to one of my favorite resteraunts, panera bread in SP, and they decided to stay in the car and rest so i could go in by myself , relax, recharge, eat etc, which was good. (they'd already eaten) I got a fuji apple salad, Ohhh I love that thing so much, and some chai, it was the chai that really relaxed me, they make good chai, so I felt much better and almost back to normal when I came out half an hour later. I got a Bah Humbug! santa style hat, dreidels, light sticks, some clay, marbles, all kinds of cool things there lol at the store.
We went home and H and S were really tired but consented to staying and hanging out for a little. We played dreidel - which is just not nearly as fun as I remember it from my childhood - and then made chocolate covered strawberries - melting that chocolate was FUN hehe I just loved watching it move smelling at it looking at it - and then went to bed about 1:30.
So a pretty good day. Sometimes I worry that the only point of my life anymore is to try to get highs like that , and because they are so temporary transitory it is a problem i need a bigger meaning in my life than this ..... otherwise it's gonna all start to feel fake... i know i need to move out and start a life, a real life with a real routine and some kind of meaningful work.....in the meantime i dont think theres wrong with trying to get highs to keep you going....obviously im not talking about the drug kind...and i guess theres nothign wrong with having a good time with friends....but sometimes it feels like i put as much effort as i possibly can into enjoying an opportunity like that when i have it, as much enthusiasm block other thoughts etc, and am exhausted after, but it feels like well it feels like i dont know it feels too transitory because there is this feeling of worry and dread about the rest of my life there all the time and its nice to have fun times but then when they end i guess i feel much worse and its anticlimatical and I cant live my life just looking for times like these I need something meatier something to give my life more substance something to give it meaning, you know?
These fun times, i say to myself, are what makes life worth living now, and therefore they are very necessary. it's just, i need to find something else. but until then i need not disparage the happiness however fleeting that can come from these times because i need it to get me thru.
Tuesday AANE meeting at library that I am looking forward to. Look at more rooms i think. etc.
Kate
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