Night at Emily's
November 19th 2006 00:58
Okay, so I already started writing this and lost the entry when the browser closed. I dont feel like writing it but have wanted to for a while now so I will anyway but it will be as usual a shortened version which I regret.
Wed night went to Emily's small apt in Portland. Very nervous about it. Ended up going well though. Had good conversation w/Emily. Haven't seen her in a year or two. We got along better than we did last time we were together. She says she likes how honest I am , showing my feelings and etc, likes talking to me b ecause of it, which was nice. I walked to the Hannaford later on by myself to get some dinner - didn't want to, put up a fuss, thought it would be scary and dark and far away - but in fact it was only a ten min, brightly lit, easy and enjoyable walk. I enjoyed the independence. I had fun in the grocery store. Yum. I got some chocolate mousse lol. For only $2. On the way back, I heard "Free Falling" on the radio and danced in the parking lot, just like I used to do at school, and was happy.
I woke up the next morning at 8:30 feeling good. I NEVER feel good when I wake up anymore. I used to. In school, mostly. Almost never now. So I woke up even despite the early hour ,despite the lack of much sleep, with a smile on my face, looking forward to the day ahead, hopeful. Needless to say I dont feel like that very much. It was because I had things to look forward to that day, it was because I had independence. It was because I could decide what I wanted to do that day, yet the day had structure, as I had a number of appointments to keep. I had a life, that day.
Obviously, those two things have made me more motivated to look for a place of my own to live in. I looked at 2 places Thursday. One I liked quite a bit and probably would have taken, but someone got to it before me, and the other I didn't like.
I had a dr's appt, was at the League a bit, got a smoothie at cold stone, walked all over carnation, took the bus to see the house, and the bus back, went to the library, finally stopped at the tea place for some very relaxing chai (latte) just before I was to meet dad - it wasnt nearly as good as the stuff in DC but I admit it was damn good, it was relaxing that is, I'd go back for it . Had a chocolate bar for energy too - chai and chocolate is NOT a bad combo .
met dad looked at second house went to an interminably long dinner at a resteraunt near rose's with the family. was very tired when we got home at 9:30 .
Had a really bad day yesterday two fights with dad lots and lots of crying i havent cried that hard and much in quite a while they were over really stupid things but they happened anyway and you know how when you're in the grip of an emotion yo u find it really realllly hard to let it go lol...especially Aspies do.... we're famous for not letting things go arent we? there has to be a logical resolution for everything. Argh well I cant change my nature I suppose. i felt really crappy for the rest of the night though , I didnt go on the computer cept for 5 minutes, lied in bed/napped/slept alternately from midnight to 3pm the next day! (At 1am Justin called and I talked to him for nearly an hour so that was very nice.) I waited in bed till 3 till my parents left today. I couldnt face the loud music they play. Not feeling like I was and did. That stereo is the *swearword* bane of my existence.
Wahtever. I was just glad I could wait them out and they were gone and the house was quiet anbd empty when I got up. Took shower, dressed eat, went for walk. Read, eat again, go on computer. Read blogs. Write diary entry. Least I've done what i wanted to even if i really stilldont feel much better .
no think of positive things. it not matters how you feel but what you are able to do, your attitude, etc
I need to find a place to live. I need to not get angry at or feel so dependent on my parents - hazard of living w/ them so long and having so little other social contacts. I need to find a purpose to my life.
And I desperately need a haircut, lol. Soon. as. possible. Monday. Least I have the money to get one now and dont have to beg my parents for one like before.
Kate
Wed night went to Emily's small apt in Portland. Very nervous about it. Ended up going well though. Had good conversation w/Emily. Haven't seen her in a year or two. We got along better than we did last time we were together. She says she likes how honest I am , showing my feelings and etc, likes talking to me b ecause of it, which was nice. I walked to the Hannaford later on by myself to get some dinner - didn't want to, put up a fuss, thought it would be scary and dark and far away - but in fact it was only a ten min, brightly lit, easy and enjoyable walk. I enjoyed the independence. I had fun in the grocery store. Yum. I got some chocolate mousse lol. For only $2. On the way back, I heard "Free Falling" on the radio and danced in the parking lot, just like I used to do at school, and was happy.
I woke up the next morning at 8:30 feeling good. I NEVER feel good when I wake up anymore. I used to. In school, mostly. Almost never now. So I woke up even despite the early hour ,despite the lack of much sleep, with a smile on my face, looking forward to the day ahead, hopeful. Needless to say I dont feel like that very much. It was because I had things to look forward to that day, it was because I had independence. It was because I could decide what I wanted to do that day, yet the day had structure, as I had a number of appointments to keep. I had a life, that day.
Obviously, those two things have made me more motivated to look for a place of my own to live in. I looked at 2 places Thursday. One I liked quite a bit and probably would have taken, but someone got to it before me, and the other I didn't like.
I had a dr's appt, was at the League a bit, got a smoothie at cold stone, walked all over carnation, took the bus to see the house, and the bus back, went to the library, finally stopped at the tea place for some very relaxing chai (latte) just before I was to meet dad - it wasnt nearly as good as the stuff in DC but I admit it was damn good, it was relaxing that is, I'd go back for it . Had a chocolate bar for energy too - chai and chocolate is NOT a bad combo .
met dad looked at second house went to an interminably long dinner at a resteraunt near rose's with the family. was very tired when we got home at 9:30 .
Had a really bad day yesterday two fights with dad lots and lots of crying i havent cried that hard and much in quite a while they were over really stupid things but they happened anyway and you know how when you're in the grip of an emotion yo u find it really realllly hard to let it go lol...especially Aspies do.... we're famous for not letting things go arent we? there has to be a logical resolution for everything. Argh well I cant change my nature I suppose. i felt really crappy for the rest of the night though , I didnt go on the computer cept for 5 minutes, lied in bed/napped/slept alternately from midnight to 3pm the next day! (At 1am Justin called and I talked to him for nearly an hour so that was very nice.) I waited in bed till 3 till my parents left today. I couldnt face the loud music they play. Not feeling like I was and did. That stereo is the *swearword* bane of my existence.
Wahtever. I was just glad I could wait them out and they were gone and the house was quiet anbd empty when I got up. Took shower, dressed eat, went for walk. Read, eat again, go on computer. Read blogs. Write diary entry. Least I've done what i wanted to even if i really stilldont feel much better .
no think of positive things. it not matters how you feel but what you are able to do, your attitude, etc
I need to find a place to live. I need to not get angry at or feel so dependent on my parents - hazard of living w/ them so long and having so little other social contacts. I need to find a purpose to my life.
And I desperately need a haircut, lol. Soon. as. possible. Monday. Least I have the money to get one now and dont have to beg my parents for one like before.
Kate
| 94 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
