What do you look for in a life partner?
October 20th 2006 04:56
Someone asked me that today, and this was my response.
Something interesting to think about, anyway.
First of all, I am not sure I am truly ready or willing for a life partner, to be completely honest. I have lived the majority of my life alone (but with family) and am used to being quite independent. I am not used to having a lot of people around or spending much time with people outside my family (and even with my family I usually like to be as independent as possible) I often find people suffocating, truthfully. On the other hand, I do often desire companionship and connection and friends and someone who will always be there for me unconditionally, someone who is "mine", someone that I am special to, someone I can feel a sense of belonging with, someone to laugh with, have good conversations with and do things with. On the other hand still, I think I would need to be able to turn this "off" when I wanted to because too long spent in other people's company and I get cranky. I do not like feeling obligated to other people, or pressured to do anything with or for them if I don't want to. I grow tired of the pressure of thinking of things to say, of listening, of being attentive to someone's needs other than mine. That is not to say of course again that I don't want these things some or even often of the time: when I want to, I love talking/listening/trying to fill someone else's needs. I'm just saying that I don't know if I could ever get used to doing that all the time. I like and am used to having a lot of personal space and privacy. I am the kind of person who is quite good at and has become used to having and finding fun on her own - I have never been the kind of person who needs someone to go to a movie, resteraunt, concert, or anywhere else with her - it seems quite natural to go on my own and enjoy it. That doesn't mean there isn't room for someone else and, in fact, quite often I enjoy it when I have company doing things. But it has to be more or less on my terms, I don't like uncertainty. Does that make any sense? So if you ask me what I am looking for in a life partner that would be my answer. If you are asking me what I would look for in a friend: good conversationalist, intelligent, empathic, likes to discuss and is aware of emotional processes and feelings, but at the same time someone who isn't afraid to get silly at times, and appreciate the smaller things in life. Someone just a bit quirky and understanding and appreciative of my quirks. Preferrably someone who shares some interest I have so we have something to talk about.
Something interesting to think about, anyway.
First of all, I am not sure I am truly ready or willing for a life partner, to be completely honest. I have lived the majority of my life alone (but with family) and am used to being quite independent. I am not used to having a lot of people around or spending much time with people outside my family (and even with my family I usually like to be as independent as possible) I often find people suffocating, truthfully. On the other hand, I do often desire companionship and connection and friends and someone who will always be there for me unconditionally, someone who is "mine", someone that I am special to, someone I can feel a sense of belonging with, someone to laugh with, have good conversations with and do things with. On the other hand still, I think I would need to be able to turn this "off" when I wanted to because too long spent in other people's company and I get cranky. I do not like feeling obligated to other people, or pressured to do anything with or for them if I don't want to. I grow tired of the pressure of thinking of things to say, of listening, of being attentive to someone's needs other than mine. That is not to say of course again that I don't want these things some or even often of the time: when I want to, I love talking/listening/trying to fill someone else's needs. I'm just saying that I don't know if I could ever get used to doing that all the time. I like and am used to having a lot of personal space and privacy. I am the kind of person who is quite good at and has become used to having and finding fun on her own - I have never been the kind of person who needs someone to go to a movie, resteraunt, concert, or anywhere else with her - it seems quite natural to go on my own and enjoy it. That doesn't mean there isn't room for someone else and, in fact, quite often I enjoy it when I have company doing things. But it has to be more or less on my terms, I don't like uncertainty. Does that make any sense? So if you ask me what I am looking for in a life partner that would be my answer. If you are asking me what I would look for in a friend: good conversationalist, intelligent, empathic, likes to discuss and is aware of emotional processes and feelings, but at the same time someone who isn't afraid to get silly at times, and appreciate the smaller things in life. Someone just a bit quirky and understanding and appreciative of my quirks. Preferrably someone who shares some interest I have so we have something to talk about.
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Comment by Johanna
PCOS Mum